


Escapism

by writtenwxrks



Series: Self-Care before Endgame [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steven Universe References, Tony's building a vibranium gauntlet, to fite Thanos, tony's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 12:11:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18446300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenwxrks/pseuds/writtenwxrks
Summary: Tony uses one of the songs in a cartoon Peter used to watch to cope with the aftermath.





	Escapism

Looking for music to play in the workshop while building his own Infinity Gauntlet to save half of the entire universe, Tony stumbles upon a playlist on his phone that Peter created, titled: “Mr. Stark, you have to see this! (Steven Universe Ver.) Suppressing his tears, he draws a deep breath and clicks on the first song.

“Sir, you are having signs of an incoming severe anxiety attack—“

“Yes, I know Fri. Just let me—“ another inhale. “—just let me finish this, alright?”

****

**_I guess I’ll have to face_ **

**_That in this awful place_ **

**_I shouldn’t show a trace of doubt._ **

 

Tony continued building his Vibranium gauntlet, remembering that he NEEDS to win this, and unlike the events of New York, he’s absolutely certain he’s not going to get out of this alive. He pushes through with his project, never even going to sleep even if Rhodey or even Pepper is going to force him to. He pretends to sleep, but after a few minutes, when he’s certain that Pepper’s already on the third stage of sleep, he’ll rise and return to his workshop. Half of the entire universe, with species with far more advanced technology, is relying on a broken team, with broken and fragile humans, or Terrans, as how other aliens would call them. Tony and ~~his team, the Avengers~~ the others has a lot to carry on their shoulders, but they carry on with their promise to avenge the half of the universe if need be.

Clint had pointed out that he didn’t really lose anything in the Snap, that everybody he loves are still alive. Pepper, Rhodey, and even Happy were still there. He stays silent, too consumed in his grief, so he stays quiet as Nebula spoke, her alien robotic voice echoing in the Compound as it was consumed by silence.

_“There was a kid.” Nebula had said._

_“What kid? Some intern of Tony?” Clint asked, still hesitant._

_Rhodey and Pepper knew._

_“He loved him like his own. And he watched him die in front of his very eyes. He was more of a father to that child than Thanos had been to me for my entire life.” Nebula continued. Clint and the others’ look of pity were enough to make him leave and return to his workshop, even if Bruce wanted him to stay so that he could check if he was one-hundred percent fine. He was never fine, how will he be fine, as he had to explain to the kid’s aunt that he had lost Peter in the war against Thanos?_

 

\---

_“I’m sorry.”_

That had been Peter’s last words, and he’s already sick of the phrase repeating itself again and again in his head and during his daily dose of panic attacks and nightmares, so when FRIDAY told him that Steve was going to his lab to apologize, he wanted Steve to shut it, but Steve keeps on insisting to apologize again and again and he has no idea how that line affects him. He wanted to lash out and yell at him or even grab a drink, but he shooed Steve away and out of the lab instead, knowing that _Peter_ would be disappointed if he tried drinking again and so he decides to continue building. Steve never really bothered to know that the line he kept on repeating was slowly pushing him under the depths of his issues. Pepper had suggested a therapist, but Tony wanted to get his kid back before attempting to move on from his issues. How will he be able to overcome his anxiety if there was no Peter to help him?

The selfishness eats away at his brain, so he stops thinking about it and continues to build his gauntlet anyway. Pepper forces him to try to take care of himself and go to sleep, but he only sees the tear-stricken face of Peter, crying out for Tony to _save him_ as he turned to stardust. Thanos’ ugly smirk looking at him as if to gloat, _I won, and you lost the one kid who changed your life for the better. What can you do to fight against me? I have the complete Infinity Gauntlet. **YOU. HAVE. NOTHING.**_

And just like that, he wakes up, makes a large cup of coffee, and goes back to his lab.

(He tries to sleep there, too. But the memories of their lab times together continue to remind him of the things he lost.)

Rhodey once pointed when he went down to the lab out during one of their lab sessions (ha, lab sessions—guess he’ll never be able to attend the next one ever again) that Peter changed Tony’s life for the better. While the kid just brushed it off with a laugh, Tony actually agrees, but never said it out loud. Rhodey gave him a knowing look, as if he already knew he agreed deep inside, so he just scoffed and asked the kid if he wanted pizza.

 

**_But pulled against the grain,_ **

**_I feel a little pain_ **

**_That I would rather do without._ **

****

Tony wishes that whenever he thinks of Peter, he doesn’t feel these emotions that made him feel so weak, _so human._ He stares at their picture together, framed and sitting on his desk. He remembered that day, when he gave the kid an official internship to help him cover up his identity especially in school, since he knew that Peter’s school is full of smart teens, and with Peter’s horrible lying and acting skills, he’s going to his vigilante identity exposed. The kid’s best friend is no good either. He remembered Peter telling him about how Ned told their classmates during gym that he “knew” Spider-Man, and he just snorted back then, laughing as Peter proceeded to tell stories about Ned’s actions in school that almost got him exposed that he’s Spider-Man.

He remembers watching the cartoon with the kid, with the kid happily pointing out the main protagonist’s similarities with himself.

_“Mister Stark, look! Steven and I both have curly hair and magical superpowers!”_

_He ruffles the kid’s hair, laughing as the episode finished its intro._

_“I know, kid. Well at least you have actual evidence that makes sense as to why you have those powers of yours, but that guy? He was born with a gem embedded in his stomach! How does it not impale any of his vital organs as he moves around?!” He almost yells._

_“Mister Stark, calm down! It’s a cartoon. There’s no need for cartoons to explain how that happened to kids, since they can barely remember the episode after they watch it!” Peter smiles as he stuffed his mouth with ice cream._

_They settle the argument with a laugh and more popcorn, closing the television as the episode finished to go back down to the lab. Pepper meets them both on their way to the elevator, saying that it’s time to sleep as it was school night._

_Grumbling, Peter made his way back to his room, saying goodnight as he walked away._

_Tony will never forget the warm feeling he felt in his chest as Peter said goodnight._

_Pepper just told him that he’s feeling paternal over the kid._

_Was he a father figure now?_

(Turns out, he can’t be a father figure or even a mentor since the kid’s gone.)

Tony continues to wish that the memories of Peter weren’t tainted with the horrible feelings of defeat as he lost him to the Snap.

 

**_“I’d rather be free,_ **

**_Free, free_ **

**_From here.”_ **

****

That was self-explanatory, right? Tony wishes he were free of the burden of being a genius, being the brain of the Avengers. Ever since, he felt like he always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, now he carried the pressure of saving half of the entire universe.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Tony's a little ooc. Or its just my anxiety speaking. Anyways, tell me what you think in the comments!
> 
> Oh, I have a [tumblr](https://writtenwxrks.tumblr.com)


End file.
